Three Years

It was three years ago that I began losing weight. I stepped on the scale for the first time since I was hospitalized and found out that I had gained about 15 pounds in just a couple months since the blood clot of doom.

It was time to get in gear - and I did. Over the next ten months I lost nearly 40 pounds. And I kept it off for awhile. Then I gained a few more back, but still I was okay, until last August. I really, really started to gain.

This year I've been trying to work on it again, but it is even harder this time. And it's hard to realize that instead of being less than I was this time last year, I am more. A good bit more.

But today I ran. I did push-ups and strength training.

I don't know how much I way because I haven't stepped on my scale since the beginning of the month. I feel better about what I'm doing even if I don't feel better about my body just now.

I hurt...It is SO awesome!

I have not really been sore from a workout in I can't remember when. My legs are certainly feeling it now though. Whether from my run on Tuesday or the strength training last night, I don't know, but I'm happy.

I'm not crazy sore and I'm sure it will workout after my run. It's just that nice sore that sometimes you get and it makes you know you've worked hard. I'm enjoying it. A lot.

My mood and outlook is high right now. Fingers crossed it continues as I go along.

Let me plod

I'm training for a 5K. Of course I'm starting months out. One because I'm in horrible shape. And two because I might need the extra weeks if I get off somehow. But I am committed. I am participating in the Race for the Cure in New Orleans on Sunday, October 25th. My plan is to run a 30 minute race. It is my goal.

I'm working with the Couch to 5K program. I've toyed with it before, but always chose a bad training time (it gets HOT here a LOT) and then didn't have access to a gym to run on a treadmill. This time I've got the treadmill access and that's where I'm starting. I plan on switching to road running in a couple of months or so once the heat index stops hitting 110. I have a date in mind, not just some illusive 5K and I have told EVERYONE! My boyfriend and I are already planning on getting a hotel room in New Orleans the night before.

So I feel like the cardio part of my living plan is covered. My strength training is still a struggle, but I'm hoping to get on that tonight.

Food though...food is a challenge. I want to embrace Intuitive eating whole heartedly...but I'm scared. I am scared of gaining more weight. I am already at such a high weight for me. Within 15 pounds that sent me on my way to losing so much just three years ago. Nearly within 10 pounds. Three years later and I am almost right back where I started. That is SCARY! So I am at this moment desperate to not gain more. And I know that is hindering me.

I'm trying to eat when I'm hungry. To eat what I want and to stop when I'm full. But it's hard. I think it is especially hard when I am trying so desperately to not hit that 180 mark. Yes. I am within a few pounds of 180. I'm sure if I stepped on a scale during the day and not first thing in the morning I'd see that number. How did I get here again? That's what I really need to figure out. I need to think now, just as much, if not more than i need to eat.