Let me plod

I'm training for a 5K. Of course I'm starting months out. One because I'm in horrible shape. And two because I might need the extra weeks if I get off somehow. But I am committed. I am participating in the Race for the Cure in New Orleans on Sunday, October 25th. My plan is to run a 30 minute race. It is my goal.

I'm working with the Couch to 5K program. I've toyed with it before, but always chose a bad training time (it gets HOT here a LOT) and then didn't have access to a gym to run on a treadmill. This time I've got the treadmill access and that's where I'm starting. I plan on switching to road running in a couple of months or so once the heat index stops hitting 110. I have a date in mind, not just some illusive 5K and I have told EVERYONE! My boyfriend and I are already planning on getting a hotel room in New Orleans the night before.

So I feel like the cardio part of my living plan is covered. My strength training is still a struggle, but I'm hoping to get on that tonight.

Food though...food is a challenge. I want to embrace Intuitive eating whole heartedly...but I'm scared. I am scared of gaining more weight. I am already at such a high weight for me. Within 15 pounds that sent me on my way to losing so much just three years ago. Nearly within 10 pounds. Three years later and I am almost right back where I started. That is SCARY! So I am at this moment desperate to not gain more. And I know that is hindering me.

I'm trying to eat when I'm hungry. To eat what I want and to stop when I'm full. But it's hard. I think it is especially hard when I am trying so desperately to not hit that 180 mark. Yes. I am within a few pounds of 180. I'm sure if I stepped on a scale during the day and not first thing in the morning I'd see that number. How did I get here again? That's what I really need to figure out. I need to think now, just as much, if not more than i need to eat.